Groan

A strip of tarmac goes into the pub and orders a pint. After serving him, the barman asks if he wants to join his mate in the corner. Sitting in the corner is a strip of red tarmac. The strip of tarmac shakes his head violently: "I'm not going near him" it says, "he's a cyclepath!"

What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Answer: 'I like your belt'!

Two neighbours are out walking their dogs. One guy - a German shepherd owner - says: "Let's go in that bar over there and have a drink." The other - a Chihuahua owner - says: "They'll never let us in with the dogs." The first replies: "Just follow my lead", as he dons a pair of sunglasses. When the doorman stops him, he says: "But, this is my Seeing Eye dog", and is allowed in. His friend quickly puts on his sunglasses and makes the same pitch to the doorman. The doorman says: "I've never seen a Chihuahua seeing eye dog." To which the guy responds: "WHAT! They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!"

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg!