Some Irish Jokes

Siobhan followed her husband to the public house, 'How can you come here', she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, 'and drink that awful stuff?' .

'Now!' he cried, 'And you always thought I was out enjoying meself.'
Judgement

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of twenty euros costs.

'Now don't let me ever see your face again, 'said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

'I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir, 'said the released man.

'And why not?'

'Because I'm the barman at your regular pub.'
You Can't Believe Everything You Read In The Papers

Dermot McCann opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly 'phoned his best friend Reilly.

'Did ye see the paper?' asked Dermot. 'They say I died.'
'Yes, I saw it.' replied Reilly. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
No Hiding Place

Walking into the bar, Shamus said to O'Heir the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'O, bejabbers,' said O'Heir, 'And how did this one end?'

'Hah, when it was over,' Shamus replied, 'she came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really?' cried O'Heir, 'now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, Shamus, you little chicken.'